I’m sick of people telling me that I’m strong. I’m not. I really am not. Because, well, I’m sitting by myself right now, listening to sad songs and crying harder than I have in months. But, I’ll never cry in front of people. I don’t open up to anyone, anymore. I miserably wake up, force myself to get half decent looking, and then put on the most ridiculous fake smile. Though, no one notices. So it works. All my faith has disappeared into thin air. I don’t believe in anything anymore. I hardly believe in tomorrow. I lie to myself every single day and say that ‘it’ll get better.’ Its never going to get better. I have been misused, abused, and utterly broken. I want to tiptoe over to 24th avenue in my rugged ballet slippers and dance in the rain. I want to dance and cry in the rain until I peacefully slip into unconsciousness for the rest of forever. Doing what I love and secretly surrounded by the people who mean the absolute world to me. I want to be saved, before the oblivion sneaks up on me. Its no longer even a want, I need to be saved. I am so desperate. Its never going to be alright. My smile will always be forced. I will always be sad. I, will be the death of me. I am a treacherous hazard to myself. Over time, I have been so worked down. I am close to nothing. My soul exists of nothing. I am numb and I am hollow. These wretched and frail tears may as well be artificial. I’m not strong; I’m just detached from the world and any emotions. It only comes off as ‘strong’ because I can take anything for the meek fact that I am not fearful of death. At least not the thought. Being face to face with death, I probably would be frightened. So before I have to find out, please, somebody, save me.
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